Vaguely inspired by “A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”
Perfection was achieved on August 3rd, 1982, when a man named Phil Howard happened to arrange his atoms in a very specific arrangement that the universe determined to be Perfect. This state of Perfection was achieved for approximately one (1) Planck-second, the shortest possible length of time. Upon achieving Perfection, a signal was sent out in all frequencies on the electromagnetic spectrum from his location at the speed of light. The visual effect was comparable to a large supernova. Years later, a large collection of starships was spotted approaching the Sol star system. Almost every civilization across the Milky Way Galaxy had arrived simultaneously. The Fold wormhole network was clogged for approximately two years due to the increased traffic caused by Howard’s achievement of Perfection.
“I didn’t know I got ‘perfection,’ I don’t even know what that means,” Howard claims, “I think I thought I was going to die.”
Due to the inherent infinitely improbable nature of this event, human mathematicians and physicists around the Earth are now claiming that the universe is “flawed and malicious.” The President of the United States of America claims the event was, in his words, “my fault.” In response, most emotional civilizations across the universe have responded by rapidly constructing mass destruction devices, under the idea that life, the universe, and everything is meaningless. Mass neurological conditions have spread throughout the galaxy. Therapists should be raking in cash due to the influx of patients, however all of the at least half-decent ones have suddenly disappeared.
Humans did not care, of course. They simply could not comprehend the implications of Perfection. They continued to spread across the galaxy for millennia to come. Most civilizations across the galaxy have since self-destructed due to meaninglessness of the universe, making human colonization of these civilizations trivially easy.